Through running the blog and our relationship forum, we often come across people complaining about pushing people away with no apparent understanding of why it happened. What they are often complaining about it peoples reactions to their toxic behaviour.
We also hear a lot about the devastating results of this kind of behaviour to peoples relationships, careers, personal friendships and pretty much every aspect of their life. As well as the negative effect on the individual behaving in a toxic way, there are also obvious negative effects on all those people around them.
So how do you stop behaving like this from time to time? You first need to know the sings and consciously shift your mindset when needs must.
There are hundreds of examples of toxic behaviour but the following 12 are the most common and damaging.
1. Taking everything to personally
People should not believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them, or is all about them in some way. You should try to remember that what people say and do around you is usually much more about them than is about you. Rather than spending your life worrying about what other people think about you, follow your own set of rules to lead a productive and healthy life and let your own intuition and wisdom be your guide.
2. Envying Everyone Else
A pretty accurate definition of envy is counting other peoples blessings instead of your own. There is nothing attractive or admirable about this behaviour. So stop and remember, you are not in a competition with anyone. If anything, you are in a competition with yourself to be the best you can be. If you want to measure yourself against anything measure yourself against how and who you were yesterday.
3. Obsessive Negative Thinking
People find it very difficult to be around other people who constantly’s beak in a negative way about things that happen to them and others around them. Try to avoid talking to others about the unfairness of life. These people often refuse to see any positive sides to life or take any positive lessons from things that happened around them. It is one thing to be a pessimist, but perpetually remaining in that state of mind is a twisted way of thinking and living that has to stop.
4. Constantly Acting The Victim
Another real sign of toxic behaviour is constantly complaining about being a victim. Thinking that you have no power over the direction your life takes is a toxic behaviour that keeps you stuck in a rut. Human beings have an incredible ability to cope things life may throw them. The moment you refuse to see yourself as a victim is the moment you will find the power you need to start living a worthwhile and fulfilling life.
5. Holding on to a Loss or a Pain
One of the hardest things to do in life is let go after a loss or painful experience. Sometimes people have a natural instinct, asking them to hold on to the past. In reality letting go is often the healthiest path forward. Once you emotionally free yourself from those things holding you back, you can refocus your thoughts on an exciting and fulfilling future.
6. Inability to control your emotions
This point will resonate with most people reading this article. We all know someone who explodes at the slightest thing or bursts into floods of tears at the smallest little hiccup in life. Screaming at an employee for a little mistake or screaming at their children for spilling a drink. If you find yourself losing control all losing your cool you need to try to understand the root of your inner angst. There is more to it than what appears on the surface.
7. Making Judgements About Others Without Knowing Them
Try not to fall into the trap of judging others by what they show you. Try to remember that most times what the person has chosen to show you can be based on their inner pains. Often times there inner suffering is just spilling out. Instead of ridiculing them, either try to help them or leave them be.
8. Cruelty (or lacking empathy and compassion)
One of the most toxic behaviors – cruelty – stems from a total lack of empathy, concern or compassion for others. We see it every day online and in the media – people being devastatingly unkind and hurtful to others just because they can. They tear people down online in a cowardly way, using their anonymity as a shield. Cruelty, backstabbing, and hurting others for any reason is toxic, and it hurts you as well. If you find yourself backstabbing and tearing someone else down, stop in your tracks. Dig deep and find compassion in your heart, and realize that we’re all in this together.
9. Cheating and cutting moral corners simply because you can
Cheating is a choice, not a mistake, and not an excuse! If you decide to cheat, and you succeed in cheating someone out of something, don’t think that this person is a fool. Realize that this person trusted you much more than you ever deserved. Be bigger than that. Don’t do immoral things simply because you can. Don’t cheat. Be honest with yourself and everyone else. Do the right thing. Integrity is the essence of everything successful.
10. Hiding your truth
– People cannot connect with you if you’re constantly trying to hide from yourself. And this becomes a truly toxic situation the minute they become attached to your false persona. So remember, no matter what age, race, sex, or sexuality you are, underneath all your external decorations you are a pure, beautiful being – each and every one of us are. We each have light to shine, and missions to accomplish. Celebrate being different, off the beaten path, a little on the weird side, your own special creation. If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means find a new river to swim in. But DO NOT change who you are; BE who you are. Don’t deny yourself, improve yourself.
11. Needing constant validation
– People who constantly strive for validation by others are exhausting to be around. Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and over, and constantly want to win over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining. Know this. Over-attaching to how things have to look to others can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down. There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve in the eyes of the masses. It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning, how you’re helping others learn too, and the growing process you allow yourself to participate in.
12. Being a stubborn perfectionist
– As human beings, we often chase hypothetical, static states of perfection. We do so when we are searching for the perfect house, job, friend or lover. The problem, of course, is that perfection doesn’t exist in a static state. Because life is a continual journey, constantly evolving and changing. What is here today is not exactly the same tomorrow – that perfect house, job, friend or lover will eventually fade to a state of imperfection. But with a little patience and an open mind, over time, that imperfect house evolves into a comfortable home. That imperfect job evolves into a rewarding career. That imperfect friend evolves into a steady shoulder to lean on. And that imperfect lover evolves into a reliable lifelong companion. It’s just a matter of letting perfectionism GO.
Credit: marc and angel