Whenever people think of the word “intimacy” between an man and woman, they often think of sex. But the truth is that sex and intimacy are two different things. In fact, a woman will often have sex to achieve intimacy and a man will be intimate in order to have sex. See the positive tension on this topic? One way to think about intimacy is into-me-you-see – it’s allowing someone else to be super close to you in a safe way. It is reserved only for those closest to you – and certainly only one’s significant other on many levels.
Anyone who has been married successfully for a long time will easily point out that intimacy and sex are not the same thing. Obviously the elderly couple down the street who are always holding hands and seem to be forever in love have figured that out! What most younger folks don’t know is that there are oh so many ways to speak inspire intimacy in the heart of a woman! Below are a few to consider:
#1 Tell her how beautiful she is
If you think a woman “already knows” how beautiful she is, you’re dead wrong. Just look at any 4-8 year old girl. What do they do? They twirl around in their favorite dress. Don’t you think I’m pretty? Is the question on their heart – on every girl’s – and every woman’s heart. Women are designed to captivate. Obviously, she turned your head, so tell her. And not just once in a while, but often – and mean it. This is a way to provide words of affirmation that go straight to her heart.
#2 Compose a love letter
Another way to provide affirming words of your affection are in a love letter. This is so important as it gives her something to read again and again – and let inside again and again. It is something she will keep and treasure for years to come – each letter will be saved in a special box or book – yes, just like in the movies. Women are wired that way!
#3 Go on vacation together
Quality time doing something run and relaxing is always good for the heart. It says, “I want to relax and I’m choosing you, again, to do it with.” So pick something fun – something you both enjoy and go!
#4 Take care of here when she is under the weather – and allow her to do the same
Let’s face it – women are the primary caregivers in any relationship. They often burn themselves out taking care of everyone else. But when they are sick, often no one takes care of them. They are always so good at being “Wonder Woman” but where’s her man when she needs a lift? This is a perfect way to express to her the importance she is in your life. It sends the message that she is valuable for who she is, not only for what she does. This is a message that can be expressed in numerous ways – but this one takes the cake as it is often messy and inconvenient – but totally worth it!
#5 Sleep with her without having sex
Physical, non-sexual touch is needed by most human beings. When we spend so much time with each other, it is good to let her know that you can be in the bed with her without having sex. Better – that you like just being close to her, smelling her fragrance and enjoying her presence. Again, enjoying her for who she is, not only what she does.
#6 Stare at each other for long periods of time
Staring at each other for long periods of time is priceless on the intimacy scale. It says that she captivates you – that there is nothing that comes before her. When people look at each other – they are looking into each other. Remember the idea of “into-me-you-see”? This is a literal way to do that – our eyes are often the windows into our hearts. So take a long look and enjoy the view!
#7 Spend time with her family
We are often not just a “pair” but part of a larger group of family and friends. The trick is that we get to choose our friends but we don’t get to choose our families. Spending time with her family speaks volumes about the willingness to sacrifice and think about the bigger picture. We often learn a lot about the other person when we spend time with families – it provides the backdrop that helps unlock mysteries in your own relationship (it’s a great investment).
#8 Build your own traditions during the holidays.
The holidays are a special time for building a portion of the relationship that other times of the year don’t afford. Holiday time has a soft spot for most of us – it’s ok to be more generous and in a better mood, etc. Doing something fun that you can both look forward to – something that’s “just you” creates a sort of “safety” and comfort that speaks the language of any woman. There can be lots of special moments or just one – no matter what, it will likely be just what makes her feel close to you.
#9 Spend time together doing absolutely nothing.
Life is full of complication – but peeling back the layers and just “being” without “doing” is so important to maintaining intimacy. Relationships often have seasons – ones of super closeness and ones of super busyness. What trumps it all could be an hour or two of doing absolutely nothing – together, recharging batteries and emphasizing the priority of each other in your lives. This could even be reading different books at the same time for one hour per week and just allowing your toes to touch. It’s the little things that speak oh so many volumes!
#10 Being fully present
Being fully present in every situation is a choice we have to make over and over again. For those of us who are good at multi-tasking or those who think we are, the perception that one is fully present is often absent. This may create resentment along the way as, without a word being spoken, our actions and body language send the message that there is always something more important than the person we are speaking with. When that someone is a special someone, the consequences can be dire. One way to combat this if this is not your norm – and this works for anything you are trying to build in a relationship – is to develop a code-word. For example, instead of saying, “I feel like you are not being present right now” and there being an issue with tone due to frustration, etc. you may want to have agreed to saying something else. “Bagel.” One word can then help the other person realize that they are doing “that thing” again and you both want to get back on track. (I have personally used stuff like this and it works wonders.) And of course, it helps to actually talk it out afterward and reaffirm with each other the importance you are in each other’s life. And don’t forget to celebrate your “wins” – and be fully present when you do that too!