The Worst First Date – There’s No Topping This One!


What started out as a simple bathroom break resulted in disaster.

It was the middle of winter with a ton of snow on the ground and very low temperatures. A couple is on their first date skiing in the mountains near Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a wonderful, fun-filled day – all was going well so far.

Heading home, as they drove down the mountain, it dawns on the gal that she probably should not have had had that extra latte before she left.  The couple was a good hour at least from a restroom. Indeed, they were in the middle of nowhere. She did her best to hold it for as long as she could, but it was slow going down the road and she got to the point where she needed to take action – and fast.

So they stopped the car and she jumped out and pulled her pants down as fast as she could. Nearly losing her footing, she grabbed onto the fender and then rested her back side on it until she finished. Being a perfect gentleman, her companion waited for her on the other side of the car and watched for traffic. The only thing on her mind was R-E-L-I-E-F despite how embarrassing the situation was.

As she finished, however, she realized she was now in an even more dire condition than she previously thought. As she went to redress herself, she realized her butt cheeks were now frozen to the car. Flashes from movie scenes like The Christmas Story of tongues frozen to flagpoles raced through her mind.

Horrified and yet maintaining her sense of humor, she answered her companion’s question of “What was taking so long?” She answered correctly when she said she was “freezing her butt off and needed some assistance.” She tried to cover herself with her sweater as he came around the car.  They both burst out laughing as they stared at each other, “You’ve got to be kidding!” was the mutual thought.  Finally, after composing themselves, they devised a plan to get her out of the dilemma.

Obviously, the situation, as funny as it was, was also pretty serious. They both knew it was likely that hot liquid would have to be involved to free her skin from the metal. Quickly reflecting on how she got into the situation in the first place, they both realized there was only one way to get her free.

And so, returning the favor of granting privacy, she turned her head the other way as she heard her first-time date unzip his pants and proceed to pee her butt right off the fender. Needless to say, this date was one for the books – it ended well, even though they were both a little “pissed off.”


By Hannah Jones

Hannah is a Manchester based writer who has spent many years studying and working in the field of journalism and psychology. Hannah enjoys swimming, meditation and dog walking. Her favourite quote is, 'If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.'