How to Stop Loving an Abusive Partner

I know too may girls and guys who have been in really unhealthy relationships but just haven’t been able to walk away. It has nothing to do with strength, it’s to do with them not realising that their partner is abusive!

If you find your self very concerned and feeling very sorry for a person who is constantly making you feel bad, there is a chance they are emotionally abusing you and you’re more concerned with them and THEIR problems than with looking after yourself.

I had a boyfriend who suffered from depression, panic attacks and lack of self esteem. So while he was sleeping around, making me feel bad about myself and breaking my heart, I was more concerned with trying to HELP HIM! I was paying for HIM to have therapy! In hindsight I should have been spending that money on my own therapy, realising that I was his theoretical punching bag and that I should have has more self respect than to let him use me in the way he did.

The thing about hindsight is, you don’t have it AT the time. So how do you tear yourself away and stop loving the person who’s abusing you? Well according to Abuse Therapist, Will Perry (video below) you have to recognise that YOU are being abused before you can realise that the ‘love’ between you two isn’t there in the way you believe.

I honestly believe that you know deep down if you’re in an abusive relationship when you;

  • Stop telling your friends and family what’s going on (because your ashamed)
  • Don’t even let your family and friends know you’re together (because your ashamed)
  • When you’ve got a list of things you’ve ‘forgiven’ him for’
  • When you’re at the point where you feel you’ve lost so much self respect, you can’t draw a line anymore.

Ask a true friend if they feel you’re in an abusive relationship. True friends and family will give you an honest opinion.


By Hannah Jones

Hannah is a Manchester based writer who has spent many years studying and working in the field of journalism and psychology. Hannah enjoys swimming, meditation and dog walking. Her favourite quote is, 'If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.'