If the world was full over women who were ‘the life and soul of the party’, I probably wouldn’t ever leave my house. I get irritated by loud over-bearing women. Being confident does not mean being loud and in everybody’s face. It also doesn’t mean showing off. It means loving yourself – but hopefully in a very quiet way. It means not beating yourself up about the way you are.
Take pop star Katy Perry for example. You might look at this beautiful young woman and say, there’s a confident lady. But I’m not so sure. Katy Perry wears A LOT of make-up. I know a lot of celebrities on TV do, but Katy Perry obviously isn’t confident with her face the way it is. I’m not saying don’t wear make-up, or don’t try and improve on yourself, inside and out. I’m saying before you start working on yourself, be OK with what you are anyway. I wear an average amount of make-up to work every day but around my boyfriend I can either be dolled up for a date on a Friday night or make-up-less on the sofa on a Sunday morning. I do feel better when I’m made an effort to do my hair and wear a nice dress but I don’t feel uncomfortable when I haven’t.
When your beating yourself up about looks remember 2 things;
Celebrities are about as realistic as having a chocolate cheesecake in your fridge for a week. NO ONE looks like them without an expensive stylist, make-up artist, lighting assistant and air brusher. Forget about them, no one expects anyone to look like that. Make yourself feel better by Googling before and after Photoshop for celebrities.
Next thing to remember is that sometimes you’re ahead and sometimes you’re behind. You might list 20 people who are hotter than you. Most people can do that! Now list 30 that aren’t! Keep your eyes open and remember everybody is different, everybody has features that aren’t as attractive as other people and everyone has features that are MORE attractive than other peoples.
‘But it’s what’s on the inside that counts!’. Yea yea we all know that. But that doesn’t help when someone’s feeling ugly.
Weight is another issue that gets people down and we all know that vicious cycle; feel down, eat to cheer up, put on weight, feel down, eat to cheer up. It’s going to hurt some people to read this but YOU are the only person who can reverse the cycle. Eat fewer calories than you use and you’ll lose weight. The science is simple it’s the mind games you play with yourself that are complicated. Why are you REALLY eating? Have a think about that and we will revisit it in detail at a later point.
Self-esteem issues aren’t all about looks. Some people think they don’t deserve to be happy, that they aren’t smart enough or successful enough. Again compare yourself the reality, look at the people around you. And understand that everybody has ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses. You need a reality check. You are fine. We all are!
Shyness can be a real problem and I know a lot of teenage girls who suffer from it day in, day out at school. It is usually something that fades away in time IF you learn a simple rule;
When you’re a child you are looking at everyone
When you’re a teenager you think everyone is looking at you
When you’re in your 20’s you want everyone to look at you
When you get to your 30’s you realise people only looks to others to compare themselves
It’s sound strange to say but nobody really cares what you look like, what you do, how much money you have etc. We are all constantly comparing ourselves to others just to check we’re still doing OK. Sometimes you’re ahead and sometimes you’re behind.