Being Single Confidence

A Confidence Booster

If the world was full over women who were ‘the life and soul of the party’, I probably wouldn’t ever leave my house. I get irritated by loud over-bearing women. Being confident does not mean being loud and in everybody’s face. It also doesn’t mean showing off. It means loving yourself – but hopefully in a very quiet way. It means not beating yourself up about the way you are.


Take pop star Katy Perry for example. You might look at this beautiful young woman and say, there’s a confident lady. But I’m not so sure. Katy Perry wears A LOT of make-up. I know a lot of celebrities on TV do, but Katy Perry obviously isn’t confident with her face the way it is. I’m not saying don’t wear make-up, or don’t try and improve on yourself, inside and out. I’m saying before you start working on yourself, be OK with what you are anyway. I wear an average amount of make-up to work every day but around my boyfriend I can either be dolled up for a date on a Friday night or make-up-less on the sofa on a Sunday morning. I do feel better when I’m made an effort to do my hair and wear a nice dress but I don’t feel uncomfortable when I haven’t.

When your beating yourself up about looks remember 2 things;

Celebrities are about as realistic as having a chocolate cheesecake in your fridge for a week. NO ONE looks like them without an expensive stylist, make-up artist, lighting assistant and air brusher. Forget about them, no one expects anyone to look like that. Make yourself feel better by Googling before and after Photoshop for celebrities.

Next thing to remember is that sometimes you’re ahead and sometimes you’re behind. You might list 20 people who are hotter than you. Most people can do that! Now list 30 that aren’t! Keep your eyes open and remember everybody is different, everybody has features that aren’t as attractive as other people and everyone has features  that are MORE attractive than other peoples.


‘But it’s what’s on the inside that counts!’. Yea yea we all know that. But that doesn’t help when someone’s feeling ugly.

Weight is another issue that gets people down and we all know that vicious cycle; feel down, eat to cheer up, put on weight, feel down, eat to cheer up. It’s going to hurt some people to read this but YOU are the only person who can reverse the cycle. Eat fewer calories than you use and you’ll lose weight. The science is simple it’s the mind games you play with yourself that are complicated. Why are you REALLY eating? Have a think about that and we will revisit it in detail at a later point.

Self-esteem issues aren’t all about looks. Some people think they don’t deserve to be happy, that they aren’t smart enough or successful enough. Again compare yourself the reality, look at the people around you. And understand that everybody has ups and downs, strengths and weaknesses. You need a reality check. You are fine. We all are!

Shyness can be a real problem and I know a lot of teenage girls who suffer from it day in, day out at school. It is usually something that fades away in time IF you learn a simple rule;

When you’re a child you are looking at everyone

When you’re a teenager you think everyone is looking at you

When you’re in your 20’s you want everyone to look at you

When you get to your 30’s you realise people only looks to others to compare themselves

It’s sound strange to say but nobody really cares what you look like, what you do, how much money you have etc. We are all constantly comparing ourselves to others just to check we’re still doing OK. Sometimes you’re ahead and sometimes you’re behind.


Being Single

Secret Way To Get a Guys Attention

You need to remember the list you made of what you want in a man. If you haven’t got that list, read here first.

Men have the same list too. The list for you and me is on paper now, but lots of peoples list is still in their head. It’s subconscious so they don’t realise they even have one. But everyone does have one and that list doesn’t change. If you want to get a man interested in you, you have to be open to the fact that there is a chance you’re just not everything on his list. So what if you’re a good looking blonde who’s in good shape, you’re smart and your funny? The man of interest might want a brunette who’s funny and likes to cook and doesn’t pay too much attention to her figure… Who knows what his criteria is. As long as you always remember he will have a list of what he wants and it won’t change. Not for anyone.


However, in my experience men are pretty simple and their list probably won’t be as long as ours. If you want to get this man’s attention you might just contact him, email, text, Facebook or walk right up to him and say ‘Hi’. By the way don’t ever POKE someone on Facebook. That’s ridiculous. It can take some confidence to do this. And it’s not for everyone.

If you’re like me, you want the man to make the move. I certainly didn’t want to get into a relationship with a man that I had to chase after. I’m far cooler than that.

So is there a secret move that we can do to get a man to make a move? The answer is, we only have to look at him. Make eye contact at a bar, like a Facebook status, view their dating profile. If a man notices you glance his way and you’re on his list, he’s going to make contact. IF he has low confidence you might want to repeat the secret move up to 3 times over a period of a month. If you have no success then you’re not this man criteria and it’s time to move on and find another man that fits in with your list.


But is glancing enough?! Does it even show him anything about you?! It’s not all about looks! Right?

Sorry my friend, that answer to your question is, I’m afraid it is all about looks. It’s natural that we are physically attracted to other people. The first encounter you have with another human is by seeing them, maybe smelling them, but usually seeing them. It’s just nature and you like what you like. That’s the way it is. If you sometimes beat yourself up a bit cos you don’t think your hot enough to catch anyone’s eye, the reality is you’re probably being way too hard on yourself and you need to do a little self-esteem work.

It annoys me when men make out is not just looks that gets their attention. What they’re saying does have some truth though. The only other thing they notice is… body language. I don’t know why it frustrates me so much that all men seem to want a confident woman. Maybe it’s because I’ve know how it feels to not be so confident and to pretend to be confident when you’re not can be a little cringey! But men do look for confidence and it’s show in your body language. When you’re out and about just check yourself. Are you showing confidence? If not that’s FINE. Because when men say they’re looking for confidence they don’t mean a loud woman in a skirt that’s too tight who is over the top sociable.

FaceThinkingWhat a man really wants is not confidence, it’s; not, not confident. If your body language is just that of a normal woman, that’s fine. In fact, that’s right! What a man doesn’t want to see is a hunched up girl who can’t make contact and goes red when anyone looks at her. I don’t want to see that either.

So put a reminder in your phone over the next couple of days to flash up at a random time that says body language check. This will catch you off guard and give you a good chance to see what your body is telling people.


P.S. Little tricks like the one below don’t work!

attention seeker racoon

Being Single

Where to go to Find a Man

After chilling out, being single and doing your own thing, you might decide that even though being on your own is cool in some ways, that it’s time for you to get settled into a relationship. Do not think that looking good is going to get you a boyfriend. The fact is men don’t approach girls that they don’t think they’ve got a chance with. They don’t want to embarrass themselves. Don’t think that browsing through a book shop or sitting in the park alone is going to get men to come over you and ask you if you’d like to go for a coffee. We’re not in a God Damn film!


This is real life! If you know what you want in a man go and find it. Let all your friends know what you want so they can look too. Put your criteria on your Facebook status if you want! These days girls have got to do the looking BUT looking doesn’t mean the chasing. FIND what you want first. Getting that person to chase YOU comes later.

I met my partner on the internet. OMG internet dating how embarrassing! Only joking, I’m not embarrassed at all, but I would have been a few years ago. When internet dating started getting big is did have a stigma about it. People who were ‘desperate’ resorted to meeting strangers online and it was DANGEROUS. But when a beautiful, amazing woman I worked with told me she was doing it and simply said, ‘it’s just a modern way to meet people’ I was solved. If this cool woman could it and wasn’t ashamed, I was signing up too!


The reacting I got from a few people (mostly men) was either sympathy or gasps of ‘but why are YOU internet dating?! You can have anyone you want’. Even if I could have had anyone I wanted there was no one in my life that I was interested in. Some people did still have the attitude that internet dating is a last resort for people who can’t get a boyfriend. But I could get a boyfriend alight, if any of the men around had actually been good enough for me!

Me and my friend at work were a bit naughty to be honest; we had a bit of a giggle at some of the men who contacted us. We would show each other emails and pictures of some of the men on there and laugh our heads off. But in general most men were very normal men. Which wasn’t really a bad thing or a good thing. I spent about a year chatting and dating men from the internet. But it started to get me down. None of them were living up to an ex I couldn’t forget about and the more dates I had the more I started to think that no one would be right for me. Then I remembered the list I’d made years before. I found it and pasted it onto my dating profile. I wrote a bit about myself and said “this is what I’m looking for..” just above my list.

FaceAngryI had some people email me outraged that I would be so blunt. One went something like “who do you think you are making a list of demands… you’re not even that hot anyway!” Well 1. If I’m not that hot why did you click on my photo to read my profile and 2. Why the hell can’t I ask for what I want! I’m actually saving people time!

Some emails I got were along the lines of ‘I know I’m not everything on your list but please give me a chance’. Why? So we can both waste each other’s time? Sorry but no. One thing about the list is, it never changes. By the time you’re a teenager, you already know what you want in a man and that list will never change. There’s some psychology to that. But it’s pretty complicated. Just trust me on it.


Anyway, know what you want and look EVERYWHERE you have to, to find a man that’s suitable. The internet is a great place to go, since internet dating is basically a catalogue of men for you to choose from.

If you’re worried about they people you might meet online, take a look at this site first;

Being Single Dating

Get the Man of Your Dreams

There’s a problem when the men who do show you interest aren’t the men you want. Yeah it’s flattering to have some male attention and it’s nice to have when your taking some time out to be single but we soon take it for granted when the guy isn’t the one we want. There could be two reasons for this.

  1. You don’t know what you want
  2. You know EXACTLY what you want

FaceThinkingIf you don’t know what you want, how are you going to find it?? Don’t trust people who say when you meet the right person ‘you just know’. No you don’t! You wouldn’t go into your garage to find something if you didn’t know what you were looking for.

Make a list. It might have 5 things on that your potential partner must be/have. It might have 55. But when your number gets higher than 20, there could be a problem.

If you know EXACTLY what you want in a man, you already have a specific man in mind. Are you basing him on a childhood crush? Or a man you already know? You can’t do that. Detach yourself from this person RIGHT NOW.


I made my list when I was 16 and ‘in love’ and my list had 19 things which made up the man of my dreams , (pretty much the guy I was with at the time);


Dark hair




Positive thinker

Good to talk to

Really funny


Won’t give in easily

Not too sociable

Good manners


Never takes drugs



Own house

Likes dogs

Six pack

In time I moved on from that boyfriend but my list didn’t change, I had been let down by that particular person but it didn’t mean I didn’t want all that stuff anymore! That was over 10 years ago and since then I have met PLENTY of men who are the above things. YOU probably know a couple of people already who are right for me! That’s my TYPE. There isn’t only one man out there who is my type. There’s LOADS.


Decide what your type is. You’re going to meet men who are MORE than what you want and you’re going to meet men who only have 15/19 or 17/19. Maybe you can overlook a couple of things on your list?


Maybe you don’t want to and that’s fine. Keep looking. I can guarantee you that there will be hundreds of men who fit your criteria. The tricky part after that is to get their attention!

Being Single

Should You Be Single?

First things first, being single is a GREAT thing to be. Everyone should spend at least one year of their life single. We can stretch out in bed, watch what we want on TV and see who we want, when we want.

Do what we want, when we want!

It’s important to learn that you are fine on your own and it’s important to be able to look after yourself. When there is danger, the human response is either fight or flight, it’s not; go and get some help. For us to survive we have to bloody well look after ourselves.

Being responsible for yourself is great, you’re FREE. Chillin’ doing your own thing. You can date as many people as you like; it’s not a crime to have some male company when you want it. Don’t focus on trying to get male attention. If it comes, it comes.

You don’t NEED a man but if you want one around sometimes, have one! Chill out and forget about finding the right man. Being single can be a real self-esteem booster. More men will show an interest in you while your single and you’ll soon find in time that when you know what you want, you’ll have your pick!


It is time to stop worrying about being single and embrace your happiness and your freedom.

Being Single Dating Love Positive Thinking Relationships

Strong Mind, Brave Heart

The advice I give is for women. I know, I know… “It’s not only men who cheat/lie/abuse” etc. Yeah, yeah that’s true. But I myself am a woman, so I speak to other women and I know how we feel. Men can take it this advice too if they like. But my advice is from one woman’s point of view to another.


I LOVE women. In my opinion, we’re the best! Women are beautiful creatures who are so sensitive they have the ability to read other people’s minds. Our sensitivity is a great thing. That’s why we’re the ones who get to carry a child inside us for 9 months! We get hardest job because in truth, WE are the stronger gender! Our sixth sense tells us when something’s not right, when someone is lying, when someone is upset and it is a great gift.

However our sensitivity can also cause some damage to ourselves. We give a second chance to liars, we try to help abusive partners and we blame ourselves when we’re cheated on.

Between the ages of about 15 – 30 women are still trying to work it all out. You really do need to kiss a lot of frogs and learn from your mistakes before you can find the right man for you. How are you going to know what you want without encountering the things that you don’t want? In these important years some people learn quickly and can be settled, happily married with a family by the time they get to thirty. Yey for them! But we do not all learn at the same pace.


Some people, and this includes myself, make the same mistake again and again and again. It gets embarrassing to the point that you can’t even be honest about it with your closest friends. It’s a very dark and lonely path to go down when you stop learning from your mistakes.


My aim is to help women who are stuck in a rut. Having the same problems day in, day out, with the same partner, different partners or with no partner at all. Do you feel like things will never change for you? That it’s just the way it’s meant to be or your just one of those people that can’t find happiness? Read on my friend.


Man Successfully Sues Wife For Ugly Children

So basically a woman didn’t tell her husband she had had plastic surgery and before it, she could have been considered erm, unattractive. The pair had children who also could have been considered as unattractive and the man sued his wife for it.

For a lot of people, if they have second thoughts about their wife at some point in the future, they will separate and maybe even divorce them. In the case of this man from China, he took it one step further but suing her getting $120,000 in a court settlement.

Jian Feng, from in Northern China,  filed for divorce from his wife after she had a child which he deemed to be “incredibly ugly,”  going on to  argue that his wife had tricked him by appearing to be a beautiful woman when she was instead ugly.

“I married my wife out of love, but as soon as we had our first daughter, we began having marital issues. Our daughter was incredibly ugly, to the point where it horrified me,” reports

At first he accused his wife of cheating as the child girl did not look like him. He was later confronted by his wife with the bitter truth – cosmetic surgery.

You could call it a case of false advertising, as it turned out that that his wife had spent over $100,000 in plastic surgery to change her appearance.

Furious that the fruit of his loins was not as good looking as he had hoped and the fact his wife had lied about the surgery to enhance her looks, Feng took the matter to court and won $120,000 in a settlement.

There has been a surprising reaction to the story on Social Media showing support to Feng.

“When you are in a true relationship, you tell your spouse everything. Past present and future – if not, then you don’t respect them” one male commented on Facebook.

The female audience has also largely sided with Feng. “Of course I would – if you start a relationship with a lie, where does it end?” one woman asked.


This is what cosmetic surgery gets you

Mother tries to sell baby on the internet for £150,000

A 20 year old woman with post natal depression decided to try to sell her newborn son on Gumtree for £150,000. A number of do gooders decided to direct the advert to the police but when they questioned the woman she simply told them it was a joke and had not intention of actually selling her son.

“I put on Gumtree that I was selling a baby for £150,000. I just plucked that number out of thin air and I claimed I was acting as an agent for a friend.

“It was very stupid and I shouldn’t have done it, but I didn’t think it would be taken seriously.”

“I love my boys and they make me so happy and I want them to be happy. It was just a silly, silly joke.”

She added: “I was crying and begging at this one social worker’s feet but she just took my son away.

“I am so upset and just want my boys back. It is my mistake, my stupidity. It should be me who is locked up, not the boys having to live with strangers.

“I am so sorry. I have not even been allowed to speak to them on the phone and I don’t know when I’ll see them again. I hope it is soon and they can come back to me.”

Detective Inspector Vanessa Smith, from West Yorkshire Police, said: “The child concerned, who is both fit and well, is being looked after in conjunction with relatives and social services. The mother is receiving appropriate care.”