There seems be an unwritten set of rules of what ladies should and should not do. Want a few examples? Try women don’t sweat, always look absolutely perfect and that she never farts or poops. These silly ideas often lead to odd behaviors that women take on in order to follow to meet these unrealistic expectations. Any violation of the rules may lead to a silent denouncement of their existence in womanhood – the modern-day equivalent of being shunned. “Wow – she must not be a lady,” is what we think! Where did these silly rules come from anyway?
Clearly, there was a time when all women were confined to the house, treated men like kings, were treated as second-class citizens and used the term “maiden” a lot.
Obviously we have come a long way from that dark scenario – so why do we still keep the rules? Why is it ok for men to do disgusting things and not us?
I admire a girl to does what she wants, when she wants. I respect a gal who isn’t afraid to speak her mind, sharing the first thing that comes to her – no matter how vulgar it may be.
And so I invite you to consider and enjoy things that are not typically considered ladylike – it’s nice to break a rule now and then, right??
1. Actually sitting on the toilet seat
Perhaps you are too short, tired or drunk to do the “magic hover” – you just need to take a load off your feet while you unload your bladder (or even do #2). And why is planting your back side on the seat a problem? Germs germs germs – ewww gross! But ya know what? Life is full of germs. Get over it! Have a seat!
2. Using Porta-Potties
Now here is where the hover is uber necessary – and it sure beats peeing on some bush! Unfortunately, they are a necessary evil, something we can never get around – so embrace it (oh, and then wash your hands outside or use hand sanitizer – seriously!)!
3. Not sopping up the pee sprinkle when there’s no toilet paper left
Ever been in one of those long lines in the bathroom and you notice that no one wants to use one of the stalls? And so we ask the person in front of us why that one is not in use.
Likely, if we get an answer along the lines of, “Well ma’am, there’s projectile diarrhea all over the walls and seat.” To which I would refrain from adding to the mess with my own vomit, try to close my nose and avoid that stall – like everyone else.
But sometimes that’s not it at all – the reply is, “There’s no toilet paper left in that one.” Really? Are you kidding me? Has anyone not seen the Seinfeld episode about “sparing a square”? Or better, has no one survived taking a pee and not using toilet paper??
The pressure mounts as you consider cutting off the 6 women ahead of you in line to pioneer into the stall where the unthinkable might happen – a successful piss less TP! It’s just not ladylike – it’s just not done!
But you don’t do it because you cannot bear looking someone dead in the eyes and admitting that you are not a lady. Ugh.
4. Urinating in places you shouldn’t
When you gotta go – you gotta go. It’s a truth that is as old as time. When there is not a place to “go” – what do you? Whether you are in a pool, the ocean or behind a parked car – we’ve all done it. You just gotta do what you gotta do sometimes – the question is whether you share with others or not based on whether you think they will shun you from “ladyhood”.
5. Bodily Functions
Need I say more? Yes, women poop and fart all the time. You can even rank the farts based on length, volume and “notes.” I won’t get into ranking a good poop. One can just hope to not see photos on Facebook. And as for the other? Yes – it’s messy, likely not on time and very hush-hush. The only time it’s not is when a gal is trying to get pregnant (or not get pregnant) or the process interferes with the baby-making process. Needless to say, the discussion is restricted to the bedroom or amidst her closest friends. How does that happen?
6. She chooses to not wash her hair
Let’s face it ladies – washing one’s hair requires commitment. Once you wash it, it’s wet. And who knows what your hair faces later in the day. The drying and styling is burdensome and time-consuming. You might not need that gym membership for your upper body by the time you are done holding, twisting, releasing, brushing over and over again. And so you might just consider taking the risk of not washing your hair.
All is well until about 3pm when you sense there may be a chance a small grease fire may combust on your scalp. And what is that smell? Yeah.
Don’t give yourself a hard time – even though I know you are secretly vowing to never allow anything like that to ever happen again. But you know deep down inside it’s best to start your new trend tomorrow. **grin**
7. Failing to remove your make-up
After a long but fun night on the town, it’s likely that you go “on strike” when you get home, not removing a smidge of the smudge that looked great earlier that evening. This results in one of two scenarios – you either wake up looking like you lost a fight last night, or, you just blend yesterday’s mix into today’s new glamorous look. Sure, a little clean-up around the eyes never hurt — layer it on girls!
8. “Forgetting” to Shave
Pick a part – any part. There is a long list of parts that we “have to” shave according to social standards. Let’s face it, some days we just don’t feel like it. And so we take a day off – or 10 – and let things grow for a while until we just can’t stand it anymore. Suddenly that cute tank top is not an option – only clothes that don’t expose our dirty little no-shave secret will do. Ever done that? Sure! We all have.
So if you decide to not shave for while, remember, kittens, puppies and bunny rabbits all have loads of hair and are adorably cute! Why can’t you too?
9. Getting Caught Sweating
Why is it such a big deal for a woman to sweat? It’s not like we can control the sweat glands or something. Suck it up and deal!
10. BO? That can’t be me, right?
Going along with getting comfy with our natural tendency to sweat comes the unfortunate aftermath. If you ever ask yourself, “Is that me or is someone chopping up onions?” That’s typically not a good sign. Paranoia sets in as you try to discreetly (or not so) check to see whether that putrid smell is coming from you or not. Hopefully, it’s not you, but if it is, the fix is as simple as a little deodorant.
11. Eating off the floor
We all know there’s a 10-second rule, right? Well, ok, maybe not. When food drops in front of people you don’t know – it’s typically unacceptable to pick it up and eat it, I get it. What if it was only there for a few mere seconds? Still taboo? And just how badly do you want to eat that strawberry loaded with luscious dark chocolate just the way you like it? I just say go for it – and enjoy! Tell the others they are missing out!
12. Going Commando
We have all been there. You are getting ready to go out and realize you are out of laundry. And you forgot that even your bikini bottoms are already in the wash. What do you do? Embrace it. You think a little Vicki’s or Freddy’s under there makes you feel sexy – just think – there’s a step up in that department. It’s nothing at all – that should get his attention!
13. Wearing the same outfit for 2 days straight
Sometimes the outfit is so nice – you wear it twice. (Three times would be a violation on humanity – time to do some laundry – including your undies!)
14. Letting housecleaning slide
When I ask myself when the last time I cleaned, I think it was a month ago. Or wait, make that two…or a few. Hmmm. I am not dirty – when I clean it should last me a super long time, right? It might not in reality, but it sure feels like it should.
15. Drinking a little too much
Getting wasted opens myriads of doors for unladylike behavior. Starting with slurred speech to drunk texts or calls to falling off chairs to projectile vomit to getting it on with someone you just met. Getting a bit too drunk is something most of us do – and way too often.
16. Making Love to Food when you are drunk
Often, what makes sense to a girl who has had too much is to eat whatever she can find. Drunk food is at least 99% better than drunk sex. The commitment factor is safe – better to do with the giant slice of pizza than the guy you just met.
17. Flaunting Your Unladylike Feats
Let’s face it, ladies. We hate it when other gals constantly talk about the unladylike things they do. From graphic descriptions of their last sex-capade to detailed discussions about their worst period (clots and all)…we don’t enjoy hearing about these things all the time. We do enjoy hearing about them some of the time however…after all, anyone who looks like they just walked off the set of Gossip Girl has to be hiding something. Nobody can be that perfect all the time! If anything on the list is something you do, congratulations, you are a human being and a beautiful one! Keep on keepin’ on and embrace your ladylikeness without feeling bad about it!