Recently, I have fallen back into my New Year’s resolution of trying to live a healthier lifestyle – can you believe it? I have been eating pretty well and developed a habit of going to the gym regularly. I actually feel pretty great and am totally excited about it. But as much as I want to tell the world about it, I feel like I have to keep my success totally private – why is that? I am so afraid people will put me in the #FitFam bucket of social media. I don’t want to be one of “those” people – the clean-eating, weight lifting, the meal-prepping cult that is totally ruining social media, and potentially the world, with their antics. Here are 11 reasons why:
#1 Completely average people suddenly think they are famous.
Because of their cult-like following and rampant popularity on social media, thousands of #FitFam members magically create celebrities out of everyday people. While these people most likely have naturally fit bodies, because of their obsessive exercise and diet habits, they have become gurus of “fit” and, therefore, have become “famous” on social media. It’s unbelievable.
#2 They always make you feel bad for eating regular food.
You suddenly feel guilt-tripped when all you want to do is enjoy your meal out with friends. That grilled cheese is viewed as nothing less than blasphemy. How could you knowingly consume anything but something organic or gluten free and live with yourself? So there you are, enjoying your B****y Mary, eggs benedict, and coffee with cream at brunch. You just take a quick scroll through Instagram and suddenly feel like the biggest heifer in Farmville.
#3 They think this is attractive – it’s gross!
#4 The only genre of literary expression they know is a meme.
They constantly barrage the world with memes – most of which are shocking and unreal. There’s nothing like waking up, getting ready for work and seeing a quick meme-reminder from #FitFam saying: Wake up! It’s time to go to the gym! #NOEXCUSES… But, I have a job…and bills…and a life!!!
#5 They constantly complain about their self-imposed lifestyle (e.g., “meal-prepping”).
Here’s a perfect example: “Sunday nights getting my meal prep in #ugh #process #results #worthit” Hey, if you wanna spend the better part of your Sunday afternoon organizing tasteless styrofoam-like food into Tupperware, go for it. But you don’t then get to complain to the world about it.
#6 They upload photos and videos of their workouts.
Really? I don’t much like people watching me work out, much less film me – and then post it! This is so creepy!
#7 They believe they have become certified nutritionists overnight.
They just love to broadcast over social media the quantity of antioxidants found in a cup of blueberries or how many kilocalories are in french fries – throwing in as much medical jargon as they can muster.
#8 They “celebritize” people and posts by liking and following them as much as possible.
If you want to easily attract more “likes” and “follows” just hashtag #FitFam or some variation of your picture. Within a few days, you will have your very own flock of “fit” people following your social media footsteps. It seems like the only thing these people love more than talking about their healthy lifestyle is cheering on their fellow cult members.
#9 Neon – enough said.
#10 Cuisine — their food selection is sad.
Reflecting on #2 and #5, seeing or hearing about the foods they eat literally makes us sad. When I see food on Instagram, I want to be enamored and hunger-stricken, not disgusted and looking to cop some anti-depressant.
#11 They tend to date each other, procreate and form tribes of weight-lifting super spawn.
So the worst part about the #FitFam is that it grows daily and breeds like rabbits. Members find love in a hopeless place (somewhere between the squatting bench and the weight rack), and because history tends to repeat itself, we may find ourselves facing a race of really scary, strong people in 15 to 20 years.
On the other hand, that is way better than a population of obese people, which is also probably in our immediate future. Why can’t we all just be normal, balanced and healthy? Well, this article has made me hungry for real food. Time to go eat a snack. #FoodProblems